


McShep ficks I wrote for a friend

by aalisse



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aalisse/pseuds/aalisse
Summary: This is a collection of short ficks that were mostly written in a single message each, usually inspired by a sudden idea or by a wish to do something nice for a friend who introduced me to the fandom and shared my obsession with this ship at the time.Description in the names of the chapters and in the notes for them, but most of these are various ways John and Rodney could've gotten together.
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	1. The one where Rodney asks if they're friends and John is confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: General Audience but there's a kiss  
> Rodney wants to clarify the boundaries of their relationship by actually giving it a name, and John is confused, because, uh. Awkward.

"Hey, uh," Rodney says one day, scratching at the back of his neck, his other hand in his pocket. "I've had a thought."

"Uh-oh," John says, distracted by a golf game on his computer. He seems to be losing at the moment.

"Are we friends?" Rodney asks, awkwardly standing beside his table.

"Sure," John says, and his brow furrows a little when he answers the question and hits the ball in-game simultaneously. Rodney tries again.

"Like, would you consider me your friend, or are we just work colleagues?" he asks.

John hits the ball again and misses. The game shows him the score as he leans against the back of a chair, his hands coming up behind his head automatically before he remembers that they're having a conversation.

"Yes," he says unhelpfully.

"Oh my god," Rodney says and rolls his eyes at him, and turns to leave, because honestly, how much of an asshole do you have to be? But John catches him by the hem of his shirt.

"Hey-hey, wait, okay, I didn't realize this was serious," he says in his special slow-but-rushed way and gets up from the chair. "Now I'm all ears."

Rodney feels uncomfortable, embarrassed and irritated, but what else is new.

"Fine," he says. "I'm not good with relationship statuses. Wanted to confirm the boundaries. So, are we colleagues, friends, or do you secretly hate me?"

John blinks at him.

"Um," he says, helpful as ever. He looks so confused that Rodney considers the possibility that maybe John's just as good at social things as he is. "What?" John asks, and Rodney raises his eyebrows.

"Oh, come on, it's a simple question, just answer it, will you?" he says, irritated, while trying to remember if maybe John's actually demented and he confused him with the other marine who passed the Mensa test.

"Um," John tries again. "This is awkward," he says, leaning against the edge of the table.

"Oh god, you hate me, don't you?" Rodney says, dumbfounded.

"Nah, I'm just trying to wrap my head around something, gimme a sec." John says, actually looking off into the distance to think. Rodney waits, impatient. John looks up at him. "So here's the deal, I thought you were my best bud for five years now, and that we've had a thing going on for maybe two months," he waves a hand between them. "You know." Rodney really doesn't. "So this is awkward."

"Oh," Rodney says. He thinks about it for a moment, and... yeah... sure... okay. John has a low threshold for a friend, he guesses. He's just surprised that it's not Ronon or Teyla he considers the best. "Alright. That makes... sense."

At least John doesn't seem sad or hurt, he notes. He just looks utterly confused, like he's trying to understand something very weird and absurd, which - understandable. Still, Rodney frowns.

"And what... thing were you talking about?" he asks.

"You know," John tries, distracted and irritated, like Rodney doesn't see the obvious. "Thing," he waves between them again.

"Repeating it doesn't help me understand it," Rodney says, exasperated.

John gestures helplessly, like there's something that's stopping him from saying exactly what he means. He's silent for a few seconds before he visibly makes a decision to commit.

"I've been..." he starts, slowly, like he's forcing his way through a mind block. "Feeling..." the word sounds alien coming from him, and Rodney is starting to feel guilty for making him do this. "Like we're more... close," he finishes awkwardly.

"Oh my god, you're gay for me," Rodney gapes, inappropriately, before John shushes him furiously.

"Don't," he hisses.

"Yeah-yeah, military, I get it," Rodney says, way too excited to pay attention to stupid bigotry at the moment. "But this is great!" he says, his expression bright like he's just made a breakthrough.

"Why?" John asks, confused.

"Because that's why I asked!" Rodney beams. "About the boundaries."

"Right," John says, not getting it.

"I thought I was pining," Rodney explains. "Over a military guy who I'm not even that close to. But here you are, my friend, gay for-"

John shuts him up by pressing a hand to his mouth.

"I swear to god, if I get fired because of you, I will shoot you in the kidneys," he says menacingly. Rodney makes a face at him. John rolls his eyes and releases him.

They're quiet for a few seconds as John makes sure there was no one in the hallway.

"So, uh," Rodney says, when he closes the door again. "Can I kiss you, or..."

"Yeah, sure," John says and Atlantis locks the door for him.


	2. The one where they're in danger and Rodney wants to say something and John thinks it's Not The Time, Rodney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: General Audience  
> This one isn't really that romantic, it's about confessions of love, but of a more familial, platonic kind, because if anyone needs to hear this, it's John.

"Oh my God," Rodney says, and when John glances at him, his eyes are wide and his lips twitch as if he wants to say so many things he doesn't know where to start. That's Rodney for you - he's shocked yet his brain is still working on the speed John wishes they could fly right now.

"What?" he barks, and he sounds irritated alright, because he's Really Busy flying them from three firing Wraith darts right now and even more complications are Not Welcome.

"I..." Rodney blinks and shakes his head a bit, like he's trying to come back to reality. "Sorry. Working."

"Good," John says pointedly and maneuvers them out of another blast's way. Rodney's typing something on his tablet vigorously. After three seconds, he stops and takes a breath, and waves his hand helplessly and opens and closes his mouth, and John's gonna kill him, Jesus Christ. "What?" he barks again, and Rodney goes off like a machine gun:

"Well there's something bugging me and I don't think I'll get a chance or courage to say this any other time, so-"

"Rodney," John says, trying to sound dangerous and menacing, which is not hard considering the guy is trying to say goodbye or the 'you're an okay leader' or whatever it is his overworked stress induced brain realizes in the middle of a Wraith death chase. Rodney probably senses that John's one inch away from actually ordering him to shut up and work, so he scowls and goes back to his tablet.

"Fine," he huffs in a quiet salty Rodney way. He taps some buttons, then pauses and looks up and at John for a split second, then lowers his gaze again. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"Accepted," John says, because he doesn't have time for this. He changes course and goes towards the asteroid belt on their left, hoping with all his heart that the Wraith blasts won't shoot right through the rocks and that they would provide at least some coverage.

"Okay, done," Rodney says, tapping the last button. "They can't see us."

John bites his lip and changes his course down and under the lowest of asteroids. The darts go up, left and right. He breathes out and lets the muscles in his shoulders unclench as they fly away away away from the danger.

"Oh thank God," Rodney exhales.

"You're welcome," John says. Rodney rolls his eyes at him.

They fly silently for a couple of seconds, then Rodney clears his throat and takes a breath and John's spider senses tell him there's trouble on the way.

"So, uh," Rodney says, and John feels obligated to cut him off right at the start.

"Don't sweat it," he says.

"I'm not going to thank you for rescuing us, if that's what you're worried about, so please, I'm trying to have a moment here and I'm not good at those, so shut up," Rodney says, and John takes a good look at him. The guy's sitting in a defense-attack oriented position and his eyes are down. Whatever he's got to say, it's important. And it's Rodney, so he's gonna overthink everything a dozen times over, which is gonna influence the city, and the right thing to do here is to sit and listen, no matter how much John's intuition is screaming at him to run.

"Alright," he says.

Rodney looks up at him and seems to consider something before nodding and loosening around the shoulders, his position changing to a more open one.

"This would be a lot easier under the wraith fire, actually," he says after thinking for a second. He stops again, then finally lets go: "Look, I know that you love me and," he waves a hand, gesturing to the now empty seats behind him, "the rest of us. Teyla told me about that talk you had on the way to Satida."

John really doesn't want to look at him. He knows his face isn't a very expressive one, yet he also knows that when he's anxious - it shows. Rodney seems to notice anyway.

"Don't worry I'm not asking you to talk to me, I know this is not a good territory for you, I'm just," he pauses and John knows that if the guy was standing he'd bounce on his heels nervously, pointing his chin up at no one in particular. "We love you, too." He says finally. He looks at John, and John knows it's not good - his jaw is set and his eyes can't seem to focus on one spot for more than a moment, and Rodney plunges right into the excuses and reasoning and apologies in his new soft and quiet way: "Look, I'm- sorry I'm terrible at this, but Teyla wasn't going to say it because she doesn't want to make you feel awkward, and Ronon wasn't gonna say it because he's a caveman, and Elizabeth's your boss and Lorne's your subordinate, so I'm sorry it has to come your way in such a shitty form, but it had to be said, because we're in deep space and somehow that's a good enough reason for me."

John reminds himself to breath.

"Thank you," he says five seconds later. His tone is restrained, but he knows that it's obvious he means it a lot more than he wants to admit.

"Yeah," Rodney says, and he sounds quiet and probably upset with himself, and John really doesn't want to go on on this topic, but hey.

"Don't," he says, swatting Rodney's arm lightly with the back of his hand. "'S not the worst way anyone's ever told me that."

"I can feel the support," Rodney scowls. He pauses. "What was the worst one?"

"Well, my ex-wife did it by divorcing me," he says in a light tone.

"Am I supposed to feel better now?" Rodney asks, raising his eyebrows. "What do I even say to that?"

John shrugs. Rodney sighs.

"I guess I can see why you don't like the feelings talk then," he says. "I promise I won't divorce you out of love. If I divorce you, it'll be out of pure animal hatred."

John snorts at that.

That's the point the gate decides to show up on their radars and they go back to work.


	3. The one where Rodney nearly died and John wants to say something and drink a beer and hug a friend and... something else, but we don't talk about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: General Audience  
> This one is set after that one episode with the parasite in Rodney's brain. This also has confessions of familial love, but John is pining and Rodney is afraid to ask, but they will be ok, I promise. Also, hugs.

"Rodney."

Rodney breathed in deeply and opened his eyes. He looked at the door, from where the muffled soft voice came. There was a little knock, and this time Rodney recognized John's voice.

"Rodney, open up, please."

Now that... was weird. Too soft and too quiet, like John didn't actually want to be heard.

"Coming," Rodney called out as he rubbed at his face as he stood up from his chair ear his desk. When the door slid open, he took in John's appearance, and raised his eyebrows in concerned surprise. "Colonel, are you alright?"

John, who wore his sweatpants and a flannel shirt and stood there barefoot, hugged himself defensively and licked his lips.

"We need to talk," he said simply, his voice a bit huskier than usual.

Rodney blinked.

"Uh. Of course," he stepped aside and followed John with his eyes, concern strengthening and tying a tight knot in his chest. He put his hands in his pockets as the door slid closed. "Is everything.. okay?"

John stood there, running a hand through his hair, like he didn't exactly know where to start.

"Look," John said, clearly wanting to sound cool and sure, but ending up a bit uncertain with a side of desperate for words. He paused and licked his lips again. He took a breath and looked at Rodney. "We nearly lost you there," he said, and Rodney huffed, crossing his arms over his chest as if to say 'what else is new?'.

"Oh, you know," he said. "I guess that's Pegasus galaxy for you."

John nodded, clearly not interested in sidetracking.

"Look, I'm not good at expressing... stuff," he said, gesturing helplessly. Rodney dropped his hands to his sides, taken aback.

"Is this a moment? Are you making us have a moment?" he asked softly, feeling lost, and John closed his eyes, probably fighting the desire to run for his life. Still, determination rolled off of him in waves, and he still refused to change the subject even slightly.

"What I'm trying to say is that these two weeks were bad," he said. "But you seemed to want me to stay close by, and..."

Rodney winced, remembering how he was the clingiest of clingy and the neediest of needy when it came to John. He didn't try to ask questions this time, giving Sheppard the much needed time to gather his limited wits and put whatever he wanted to say in human language.

John looked like all the systems in his brain were running at the same time, looking for a file that wasn't there.

"I guess I got used to you being... around," he said after four seconds passed and it was time to say something, anything remotely close to what he meant.

"Huh," Rodney said. He analyzed the look on John's face - very inexpressive, as usual, but this is the closest he's been to looking like he wanted to say 'please don't make me say stuff anymore', and honestly, no matter what the people in the labs thought, he wasn't a monster. "Well I love you too," he said, only half joking.

The look on John's face went from surprise to horror in two seconds, and Rodney frowned, stepping a tiny bit closed to the guy.

"You knew that, didn't you?" Rodney asked. John opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened again.

"Sure," he said, probably grateful for a save, but still very confused. Rodney nodded and looked away.

"Good, because you're, like, the closest thing I've got to a best friend after Carson..." he waved a hand, not really wanting to say the word and getting irritated at himself for it (come on, it's been more than a year), "...died," he finished softly.

John looked at him. If Rodney said that at another time, he would probably just pat him on the back and say something like "'prissiate it" and go off on some other business while Rodney did something science-y. What he said now, against all odds, was a painfully sincere:

"Really?"

Rodney blinked, surprised, and looked at Sheppard. Sheppard looked like he regretted his decision deep down, but he already committed to the sincerity thing, so now he was waiting for an answer, thank you very much. Rodney's heart ached a bit. Well, in for a penny, in for a coin.

"You're... easy to tolerate," he said, and yeah, that sounded better in his head, but it made Sheppard visibly relax, so there was a plus side after all. "Anyway, you made it somewhat bearable. Thanks."

John smiled at him, one of those rare honest grins of his he never shows people anymore.

"D'you want to grab a beer?" he asked.

"Well, I was actually..." Rodney gestured to the laptop on his desk. He then noticed John's raised eyebrow which clearly said 'I'm offering to celebrate the best friend thing here, get your head out of your ass McKay'. Rodney glanced at the laptop longingly and gave up. "Yeah, sure. Pier?"

"Yep," John walked to the door. He paused before waving it open and turned around. "Rodney..."

"I'm not yours, am I?" Rodney asked. It wasn't hard to guess - John's voice was back at uncertain slow honest pitch, and the facts spoke volumes. He was probably bffs with Teyla. Or Wolsey, for all Rodney knew. John looked surprised, so Rodney took it as a yes. "It's fine, really," he said. "Not the first one for me."

He said it casually, but he knew he was letting on just enough to feel the sting of it, and it probably showed. He turned to pick up his uniform jacket.

"Actually, what I wanted to say was 'never change," John said behind his back, making him freeze. God, he knew this wasn't the 'I love you the way you are' thing, but it was close, and he hadn't heard anything like that in more than he'd like to admit. John coughed. "And I don't range my friends. You're all family." The door slid open and Rodney turned around to see Sheppard walk out the door. "I'll get the beer, catch up," he called from around the corner.

Rodney felt warmth spread through his chest and a smile tug at the corners of his lips. He may not have the best associations with his family, and neither may John, but he knew what the guy meant. So, unconditional love it was.

They didn't talk about it on the pier - there they chatted about how the things went, Rodney complained that he missed on two weeks of work and Zelenka messed with stuff he wasn't supposed to mess with, and John shared some gossip, because apparently he was in junior high for life.

When a couple of hours later they stood at a corner about to part ways, John yawned monstrously, not even putting a hand to cover it.

"And I thought my mouth was big," Rodney huffed, and watched as John fought the suggestive expression off his face before it fully emerged.

"Don't know what you're talking about," he said instead, and Rodney suppressed the desire to raise an eyebrow at him. Sheppard clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Night, Rodney."

"Night," Rodney said, as John started to walk towards his quarters. Suddenly, an impulse pushed him a step forward. "And John?"

Sheppard turned around, no more than four sets away, eyebrows raised.

"You're... you're family too," Rodney said, probably lamely, but he meant it, and John always knows when he means things.

John nodded. He paused, and then crossed the distance between them again, pulling Rodney into a hug. One might expect strong bear hugs from a guy like John, but actually they're always really tentative and gentle with him, and Rodney really loved him for it. He received a lot of them in the past two weeks, and they really helped. He hugged back, placing his hands on John's back softly and squeezing a bit to show that even if he wasn't deadly ill anymore and there was no parasite in his brain, they were still allowed to hug like this. John's shoulders didn't relax and his back was all tight and stiff, and in the end he patted Rodney's back awkwardly, so it wasn't exactly ideal, but it was more than enough.

"Night, McKay," John said, his eyes never meeting Rodney's, and suddenly Rodney felt like this hug meant more for John than he realized. He wanted to ask, but John was already walking away, so he was just left to stare after him.

"Night," he said softly.


	4. The one where John knows what he wants, but Rodney knows what he needs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: Mature (Explicit for like two paragraphs)  
> Established relationship. John wants some endorphins after a hard day, but Rodney know that he probably needs something entirely different.

It’s been a rough day for John. Some ancient tech went crazy again, they’ve lost control of the city, John had to hack into the programming himself because Rodney was knocked unconscious – that kind of thing. They’ve all almost died, they’ve lost nine people. He tries not to look at it in hindsight and doesn’t second guess his decisions, but he feels like shit nonetheless. He’s angry and tired and stressed, and he doesn’t even register the fact that his feet bring him to Rodney’s quarters instead of his own.

He stumbles in and, as he sees McKay, he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Rodney’s sitting with his laptop, and, as John comes in, he rises to his feet – which is convenient, because John suddenly realizes what he really, really wants. He doesn’t say a word and doesn’t listen to Rodney as he tries to ask questions – he just grabs him by the collar, pushes him against the wall and kisses him on the lips once, all in one smooth motion.

He breaks away to look at Rodney’s eyes, and there’re no negative feelings there – only concern and some confusion, but John can deal with that, because he really wants to just-

He drops to his knees and unzips Rodney’s BDUs and pushes them down with the brightly colored briefs under them – and swallows his still soft cock whole, his eyes closing against the familiar press and taste and texture. He sucks and licks and yes, Rodney’s hand is in his hair and this is exactly what he wants, this is so fucking perfect he wants to loose himself in the moment and only think about Rodney’s cock in his mouth.

The thing about Rodney, though, is that he always knows what John wants, but, inexplicably, he also always knows what he needs, and, being the best fucking thing in John’s life after Atlantis and flying, he always chooses to give John the latter.

So, instead of taking his mouth like John wants him to, Rodney lets out a quiet whimper of regret and stops him, tugging his head away.

“Rodney,” John exhales, his eyes still closed, as he presses his forehead against Rodney’s hip. He doesn’t even know what he’s trying to communicate, but he sure as hell knows he doesn’t want to stop.

“Shut up, you’re tired,” Rodney says and grabs him by the shirt collar and pulls him to his feet. John stays on his knees for a second too long, but goes with it nonetheless, because Rodney’s right. He still looks at Rodney’s crotch longingly as the man pushes him towards the bed.

“Sit,” Rodney says, and John does. And then Rodney goes to his knees and John raises his eyebrows in pleased surprise – but the guy just takes him by the ankle and starts undoing his boots.

“You know I can do that myself, right?” John asks, and he means for it to sound sarcastic, but his voice lacks poison and emotion, so it comes out pretty much just tired.

“Busy now,” Rodney huffs in that ‘I’m working leave me alone’ voice of his he uses in the lab a lot.

John sighs and decides he can live without a blowjob for now. He lowers himself back on the bed and blocks away the light by pushing his face into the crook of his elbow – and then he finally lets himself feel how much he wants to just stay like this and never move again. He actually passes out for a minute, because when he opens his eyes again, Rodney’s unbuttoning his BDUs and is feet feel a lot less heavy.

“Up, up,” he says, and John lifts his hips obediently, letting Rodney tug his pants off. He still glares, and Rodney rolls his eyes. “Oh, as if you would bother if I didn’t do this,” he says, and alright, he has a point.

John tugs his shirt and t-shirt off himself, which leaves him in his boxers – and Rodney, despite John expectations, bullies him into taking a shower instead of kissing him good night. After John’s done enjoying the hot water on his skin, and pointedly not thinking about today’s events, he feels a little more alive and a little less disgusting.

“Under the covers,” Rodney says, engrossed in something on his laptop screen, and John arches an eyebrow. After five seconds of silence, Rodney looks up. “What? Oh, don’t tell me you’re the type who needs to deserve things. Just because I didn’t let you blow me doesn’t mean you’re not welcome in my bed.”

John just rolls his eyes and goes to lie down. He scrunches his nose at the sight of his clothes left messily folded on the chair by the bed, but decides to let it slide for now. He gets into bed and lies on his side, looking at Rodney as he works.

“I’ll be with you in a second.”

John lets out a breath and closes his eyes. The soft clickity-clack of the laptop keys is soothing enough for him to drift off into the not-quite-sleep. A couple of minutes pass, maybe more – and then the bed dips and the covers are pulled tighter around his shoulders. He opens his eyes a little, squinting against the dimmed lights.

“You’re a mother hen, McKay,” he says, his voice rough and croaky.

“Well you need a mother hen,” Rodney huffs softly and there’s a smug smile in his voice. “See, if I didn’t do this? You’d suck me off, use my afterglow-y distractedness to flee to your place and pass out face down on the bed, miserable and alone.”

“Now that,” John says, but stops mid-sentence, because that’s exactly what he was going to do, down to the miserable and alone part. “…might be true,” he finishes lamely.

“See? Two weeks of dating and I already know you inside and out,” Rodney says, smugness cranking up a notch in his voice, and John considers hitting him with a pillow or pushing him off the bed, but decides it’d take too much effort. Instead, he grabs Rodney by the shoulder and tugs him to lie down.

“No-no-no, none of that,” Rodney says, slapping his hand away. “I’ve got work to do. You saved the city today, I got some great sleep, and I’m not tired at all.”

“McKay,” John presses.

“No, really, this is very important research, I might be onto something ingenious-“

“McKay,” John says, an order clear in his voice, and that finally gets Rodney’s attention. “It’s late. Close your laptop and get in here or I’m leaving.”

Rodney sighs loudly. He actually considers it for a moment before giving up.

“Fine. But you’re staying until morning this time,” he rises off the bed and goes to unplug the charger and save his progress.

“Fine,” John says. He feels pleased with himself when Rodney sheds his clothes and climbs under the covers behind him. The bed is way too narrow for two grown men, but they make do by doing something that John doesn’t want to call spooning – but yeah, that’s essentially what they do. John also doesn’t want to admit the fact that he likes being the little spoon more. It’s silly and a bit immature for a military commander of a city in a foreign galaxy, but he lets himself have his silly moments. Which reminds him…

“We need to play civilization together some time,” he says, his voice muffled by the pillow.

“You’re a huge dork,” Rodney tells him, smiling into his neck.

“Go to sleep, Rodney,” John sighs, which makes Rodney chuckle and press in closer.

“By the way if you’re feeling like blowing me in the morning, I’m not gonna say no,” Rodney says matter-of-factly and John elbows him under the ribs, too light to hurt but strong enough to get his point across.

When Rodney kisses the nape of his neck, his nose brushing against the soft hair there, he thinks that this is exactly what he needed today. He feels guilty for being so comfortable and almost happy on the day when so many people died, but he pushes that feeling away and lets himself relax fully.

In the morning he blows Rodney’s mind away.


	5. The one with the alien pig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: General Audience  
> A shaman gives John and Rodney an alien pig to care about for a week, and if they're nice to the pig, they will get a good deal, and if they're not - no trading for them.   
> The pig's name is Bob and apparently by the end of it Bob knows a lot of their secrets.

"So, uh," John says, staring at the... thing Rodney holds. The thing (it pretty much looks like a small chubby pig) blinks at him. Rodney looks positively miserable, but at least he doesn't protest aloud, simply accepting his fate as an alien pig holder. John clears his throat and turns back to the shaman. "This is for us?"

"This is a test," the shaman says, and he isn't even smiling which John finds kind of unsettling. "You are to keep farathu alive and well, then you will return it to us. If farathu is satisfied with you, we will trade."

John glances at Rodney who tries to discreetly hold the alien pig as far away from his body as he can. Rodney returns a look with an expression that says 'it could be worse, but I am so not happy with this you have no idea'. The pig makes a quiet snorting sound and twists in his hands a little.

"And for how long do we keep the... farathu?" Teyla asks, stepping a bit closer to the shaman. John is grateful that she asks that question, because he's quite sure that he wouldn't be able to say that word correctly yet.

"Seven days," the shaman says. "This way we will be sure that you are good people. If farathu dies, do not return for you are not worthy of our goods. Farathu needs food and water and sleep, but most of all it needs company, so, if you want to trade with us, you will keep farathu at your side at all times."

"Huh," Rodney says, his face clearing up a little. He looks at John. "That's actually not so bad. I mean I have a lot of work, obviously, but if we're kept on light duty, a week's not too long."

"I don't need light duty to watch over a pig," Ronon says and takes, or rather grabs said animal from Rodney. Farathu oinks and thrashes back to Rodney, but Ronon holds it firmly, looking at it from different angles. "We'll just put it in a cage and give it to someone to look after."

"Alright, Conan, will you stop abusing the animal?" Rodney says and takes the pig back. John raises an eyebrow at him as McKay holds it closer than before, rubbing behind the pig's ear soothingly. The pig makes a happy sound. Rodney smiles a little, then notices John's expression and turns mildly embarrassed.

"I like pets." He says defensively. John doesn't roll his eyes, but he sure wants to. The pig oinks at him and unsuccessfully tries to reach for his shirtsleeve to munch on.

"Well, seems like we have a deal," John says, looking back at the shaman. The shaman nods.

"You are not to give farathu to anyone," he says. "You," he points at Rodney, "and you," he points at John, "are to take care of farathu. It seems to be fond of you. If you do not betray the trust of farathu, our trading will be more pleasant for you."

"Sounds like discount," Rodney says quietly. John smirks despite himself.

"Alright," he says. "We will negotiate the details before we take care of... farathu," he stumbles over a word clumsily, "then we will return in seven days to honor the deal."

"Very well," the shaman says and gestures towards the most well-built shack in the village. "Follow me."

It turns out that farathu - or Bob, as John decides to call it - eats pretty much anything you give him, sleeps anywhere he wants and doesn't seem too bothered by the change of his surroundings. Bob likes apples, blue jello and orange juice. He also likes munching on people's clothing, lying around, oinking and observing people like he finds them kinda stupid but cute. John decides that he likes Bob.

Rodney likes Bob too. First day they're back to Atlantis he attempts to spoil the pig rotten by holding him in his lap and feeding it fruit from his tray, but the day after that he finds ta Bob isn't too good at sitting around and not touching dangerous things in the lab. John stops by to check on Rodney's progress in one of his projects only to find McKay frustrated and irritated and trying really hard not to yell at Bob who chews on his trouser leg casually, while the frightened scientists are taking cover behind various ancient devices.

"Okay," John says mercifully, "he can stay with me."

"Really?" Rodney asks, actually surprised. "You said you didn't want him. Colonel with a pig under his arm not being good for the reputation and all that."

"Yeah, well at least with me he won't blow anything up," he says. "My rep will live."

Bob waddles over to him and flops down on the floor and partially on his boot making affectionate pig noises.

"He likes you more," Rodney says, scowling a bit. "I feed him my blue jello and he still likes you more."

"Well, you know what they say," John huffs, picking the pig up.

"What, that love is blind?" Rodney tries.

"No, that pigs are stupid," John smirks. "When's that thing coming up?"

"Well, now that farathu's not gonna be here to chew my leg off, I say about two hours? Maybe one and a half, but don't quote me on that."

"Cool," John nods. "See you at dinner?"

"Sure," Rodney sighs and turns back to his work.

The marines giggle when John introduces Bob at the training, but it's the good in-joke kind of giggle not the 'our colonel's stupid and we're gonna question his choices and play hard to discipline' kind of giggle, so John decides not to scold them for it. Bob sits in the corner as the marines kick each other's asses. After the training John notices one of the guys - Frankie - try to be friendly to the pig and let Bob sniff his hand, but Bob just stares at him, amused. Frankie pets him on the head, and Bob tries to munch on his wristband. John tries not to be amused by this and fails completely.

Bob sleeps at Rodney's quarters because Rodney's more used to having a pet, and John's a light sleeper. In the morning Rodney complains about his sheets being chewed through and about the pig being too big to fit on the bed with a grown man already in it. John rolls his eyes out of habit.

People love Bob. Especially women, to Rodney's surprise and joy. John thinks that the guy hasn't been this popular with the ladies since ever, so he's low-key glad for him, even if he's also low-key jealous. Guys aren't that interested in a lap pig, so there's not much in it for John himself, but hey, he was the one who chose to go to Atlantis, which, for a gay man, was pretty much a celibate acceptance. If anything, Bob being a guy magnet would make things even harder for him.

When seven days later they return Bob to the shaman, the guy seems very pleased with them.

"You did well," the shaman says. "Farathu, what did you think of our guests?"

"Well," Bob says in deep manly voice. Rodney nearly drops him, while John and Ronon point guns at him. Bob snorts, amused. He wiggles to get more comfortable in Rodney's arms and continues calmly. "They possess a lot of power and a lot of knowledge. They are cultured and friendly and they seem to know how to love one another. I approve of them."

"We-we thought you were just a pig?" Rodney says, completely lost.

"A space alien pig," Bob corrects. "You may put me on the ground now, Rodney." Rodney glances at John, who gives him a nod, so he lowers Bob down. Bob turns to him and looks up. "I am very thankful for receiving such good care from you," he says. "You are kind." He turns to John. "And you are brave and clever. And you love each other deeply. I wish you well." He turns to the shaman. "You may trade with them on the best terms, they deserve it."

John blinks, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Bob the alien pig just made them the sweetest deal in months, and that apparently him and Rodney "love each other deeply". He lowers his weapon anyway.

"Okay," he says. Then his priorities kick in. "So, I take it, we go with the best case scenario?" He asks the shaman.

"Farathu has spoken," the shaman nods.

"Cool," John says.

Bob turns to him and waddles closer, and he finds himself crouching down in front of Bob to be closer to his eye level.

"I will miss you deeply, John," Bob says. "The way you patted my belly and gave me apples will always be in my heart. The way you gave up your pleasure to protect your people is very brave, but you shouldn't stay unhappy. I thank you for everything. You were my favorite human to be around."

"I knew he liked you better," Rodney says softly, still a bit shocked.

Bob turns to him.

"I came to love you too, Rodney. But what you talk about in your sleep - you should tell him. That would be better for the both of you." Bob looks between him and John again and nods. "Goodbye, my friends."

The shaman picks him up and hands him over to one of his people. Bob makes happy pig sounds as the lady who holds him gives him a respectful pat on the head.

John straightens up. He feels like his head is spinning a bit.

"So, uh," he says, looking at the shaman. "See you in two days?"

"Yes, that would be good," the shaman nods.

"Cool," John says.

As they're flying in the jumper John looks over to Rodney, who looks about as okay as John feels.

"So, uh," he says. "What are you talking in your sleep about?"

"It's weird," Rodney says. "But I guess not as weird as the fact that Bob can talk."

"I'll believe in just about anything right now," John says honestly.

"I think he means that I love you and all that," Rodney shrugs, staring at the stars ahead of him. John chokes on his own breath and looks at him, scandalized. "What?" Rodney shrugs. "You asked."

"Jesus," John says. He looks back at Ronon and Teyla who seem absorbed in comparing the weirdest experiences they had somewhere in the back of the jumper. He turns back to Rodney. "Well I... you know."

"What?" Rodney asks.

"You know," John shrugs.

"Oh, come on, you're not fourteen anymore, what?"

John groans.

"Fine. Me too. You happy?" he asks, irritated.

"Well duh," Rodney says. They're silent for a minute, the he adds, "Wait, you mean like in a gay way, or..."

"Yes!" John says, frustrated.

"Okay, good," Rodney nods.

They both sigh.

Then glance at each other, lock eyes - and go off snorting like idiots.

John relaxes into the back of his chair as far as he can while still flying the jumper in a straight line.

"I like Bob," he says. "We should bring him some blue jelly next time."

"And apples," Rodney chuckles.

"Yeah," John nods.


End file.
